There are certain things that you associate with times of the year, the Easter Bunny at Easter, Santa Claus at Christmas and MusicMuso doing a minute by minute synopsis of the BRIT Award ceremony in February!

This years event was hosted by the golden couple of light entertainment, Emma Willis and Dermot O'Leary, we catch up with the daring duo at 7:30pm, read on to see how the evening unfolded and who were the lucky recipients of this years awards....

7:30PM:
Ooh, here we are again for another event that celebrates the joy that is British music. Dermot O'Leary and Matt Willis' rather fit missus are on presenting duty, and we open up on my personal favourites Little Mix performing their hit single "Shout Out To My Eggs", which is an ode to all things dairy. Little Mix don't appear to have got the memo to match their outfits to the song, however - they seem to have raided the costume box from the film 'Barbarella', though you shall hear no complaints from me, although my wife made the comment: "that's all their own hair (!)" in reference to the amount of hair extensions on show, which may have had a slight degree of cattiness to it. "Here's to my eggs!" the girls chant, as the stage fills full of weird silver people who might be extras from the animated film 'La Planet Sauvage'. Bonus points if you've seen that.

7:37PM:
Little Mix are coming to the end of their song now; the wife now thinks that Perrie hasn't washed her hair, and from here, it does look a bit like she's just wet it and not bothered running a hairdryer over it. Ooh, fireworks to finish - bit dangerous indoors, but hey. Time to welcome the hosts, Mrs Fit Willis and Dermot O'Nearly. Cue traditional cringey opening speech from the stage, as Willis refers to "ear-socks" being blown off. Oh Christ, Goulding is in the crowd - I thought she'd perished in a freezer accident in a Sainsbury's in 2009. Sheeran is there as well, looking more like the ginger one from 'Harry Potter' than ever. Apparently the public can vote for the Best British Artist Video, which should prove to be a complete shower. Nominations are:

BEST BRITISH ARTIST VIDEO
-------------------------
ADELE - 'SEND MY LOVE (TO YOUR NEW LOVER)'
CALVIN HARRIS & RIHANNA - 'THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR'
CLEAN BANDIT FEAT. SEAN PAUL & ANNE-MARIE - 'ROCKABYE'
COLDPLAY - 'HYMN FOR THE WEEKEND'
JAMES ARTHUR - 'SAY YOU WON'T LET GO'
JONAS BLUE FEAT. DAKOTA - 'FAST CAR'
LITTLE MIX FEAT. SEAN PAUL - 'HAIR'
ONE DIRECTION - 'HISTORY'
TINIE TEMPAH FEAT. ZARA LARSSON - 'GIRLS LIKE'
ZAYN - 'PILLOWTALK'

No doubtless we'll get "reminded" to vote for that approximately sixteen million times. Fucking One Direction? That came out about three years ago, did it not? Bloody hell. None of them are even halfway decent. The Little Mix one does it for me (obvious reasons) but even that has the demon Sean Paul in it.

7:41PM:
David Tennant comes out in "not 'Doctor Who' but 'Broadchurch' mode to introduce:

BRITISH FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
--------------------------
ANOHNI
ELLIE GOULDING
EMELI SANDE
LIANNE DE HAVAS
NAO

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Stacy Solomon

I can instantly discount Goulding and Sande as I hate them with every fibre of my being, but I've LITERALLY no idea who any of the others are, so let's sling it Sande's way. Who won? Yep, bang on - Sande. Christ, stop encouraging her...Emeli has turned up apparently modelled on an alpaca, as the narrator tells us we've had to wait four years since her last album. No - we PUT UP with her last album then spent the last four years hoping we'd got rid of her. Some woman comes up with her to accept the award, who turns out to be her sister. God is thanked, but not the people who actually bought her record. 'Dan' is mentioned though, so...yay for Dan. Great stuff Emeli, now go and sit down. And don't enter another recording studio EVER AGAIN.

7:45PM:
Dermot and Fit Willis show us the new Brit Award statuette, which looks like it's been kept a bit too close to a naked flame and gone a bit "melty". But it was designed by a person who has passed on, so therefore we cannot be critical about it. Although it does look shit.

7:50PM:
We're back - time for more music, this time by Bruno Mars, who will probably be performing that song that he released that sounds like he is stuck in 1986 (you know, the one he did after recording that other song with Mark Ronson that sounded like he was stuck in 1986). Actually, he doesn't appear to be singing that one, but it's nice to see he's come in his retro Barcelona football club shirt. Worryingly, he seems to be singing about how he likes 'sex by the fire' - that's two songs tonight that have mentioned shagging. Despicable. Mary Whitehouse would have spluttered her own vagina up by now.

7:52PM:
Bored of this song now. Although Bruno has BEAUTIFUL hair. He's now "breaking the song down", but nobody really seems to know what he's doing and just carry on screaming like absolute fucking banshees. To be honest, this song sounds a bit Michael Bolton. Five bloody minutes he's had now.

7:55PM:
Thank fuck for that. Fit Willis and O'Bleary gush over how amazing Bruno was. To introduce the next award are Small Girl from 'Game of Thrones' and Deadpan Asian Comic With Ridiculously Long Name. They are introducing...

BRITISH GROUP
-------------
THE 1975
BASTILLE
BIFFY CLYRO
LITTLE MIX
RADIOHEAD

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Joboxers

Ooh, who shall we give this one to? I want Radiohead, but naturally they will fail. They're not even here. I'm going with Little Mix to spank this one (I'd certainly spank them, the naughty wee minxes). Winners? The fucking 19-fucking-75. Another band I have literally never heard of in my entire life. I couldn't name you ONE of their songs. One of the band appears to have come as Christopher Lee's rendition of Count Dracula. Two seem to have made suits out of curtains from the Addams Family mansion. The other one couldn't be fucked and has come in a maroon suit. The lead singer says they've been in a band for fourteen years - bollocks. He'd have been about six if that was true. Shot of Bastille who look REALLY, REALLY fucked off. I've zoned out of them now, and notice instead the stage set looks like a very minimal Muse concert. Time for another break, in which time I will try and light our fire again, because it's not behaving.
Cue another reminder (nay, shameless plug) to vote for the best video. NONE OF THEM ARE BEST. THERE IS NO BEST. PLEASE DO NOT VOTE IF YOU ARE OF SOUND MIND OR HAVE FINGERS. PLEASE DO NOT ASK THE BILLPAYER'S PERMISSION. PLEASE IGNORE THESE REQUESTS TO VOTE. IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE

8:04PM:
O'Bleerrugh is back to jump into the crowd and ask who people are looking forward to seeing - Williams, Skepta and presumably Elton John, if he's nominated for anything. Over to Fit Willis - it's time for Male Solo Artist, which is introduced by Zane Lowe. We saw him DJ in Ibiza once, and he was bastard amazing. Nominations are:

BRITISH MALE SOLO ARTIST
------------------------
CRAIG DAVID
DAVID BOWIE
KANO
MICHAEL KIWANUKA
SKEPTA

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Abs from 5ive

OK, chin-stroking moment. Should be Bowie. Definitely Bowie. Award goes to ... BOWIE! Fuck me, they've done right for a change. Craig David was halfway out of his chair then. I've no idea who is accepting the award on his behalf, but he's honest and says even if Bowie was alive, he wouldn't have bothered turning up anyway. That's nice. I think this chap is the dude from 'Dexter' - he looks like him. Wasn't Mick Ronson available? Or is he dead too? After checking, I find he died in 1993. Ah well. I bet there would have been a riot if bloody Kano or Skepta had won.

8:08PM:
Back to Fit Willis and O'Baaaaaauueeeerrgh. Oh God, more live music - this time from fucking Sande. Enough already. I'm going to have another bash at the fire, which I think is refusing to light in protest at the shite on this awards ceremony. I've got a headache coming on - not sure if it's from the fire or Sande. I bet it's Alpaca Sande. Reign it in, Sande - you've had your time, love.

8:13PM:
Fit Willis calls Sande a "firecracker". O'Blimey reckons it's time for another break: I think he must have the shits tonight and needs constant loo breaks. I bet even as I type this he's squeezing out a stream of liquid Hell as Fit Willis holds his hand and he weeps tears over his stinging, mangled ringpiece expelling another fountain of toxic goo.

8:17PM:
Our hamster, who was out and wanting attention, has now gone back to bed, probably to avoid seeing any more of this shite. I tell you, the things I do for you lot. You want another award? Well go on, then. We've got loads left. Absolutely bloody loads. Introducing the next award is Rita Ora (she's in the new 'Fifty Shades' film, you know) and Nick "Wanker" Grimshaw. British Breakthrough Act is next, and here's the nom-nom-noms. Radio One listeners have voted for this one, so it'll be Rag 'n' Bone Man.

BRITISH BREAKTHROUGH ACT
------------------------
ANNE-MARIE
BLOSSOMS
RAG 'N' BONE MAN
SKEPTA
STORMZY

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Bay City Rollers

Fuck me, they like Skepta and Stormzy this year don't they? Rag 'n' Bone Man for sure on this one. Winner is...see above. By that, I mean Rag 'n' Bone Man, not Bay City Rollers - although that would have been mental. He's a big chap, isn't he? I don't really like his jacket, but I sure wouldn't mess with him. He looks like an early 90s WWF wrestler. He says he's "nearly speechless", which is a new one on me. Ah, he is now ACTUALLY speechless, so has to go and sit down.

8:22PM:
O'Teary sits with Ed Sheeran, who looks like a cheese with eyes and has totally unsuitable glasses on. Ed looks extremely uncomfortable, like he wants O'Meerkat to move away as soon as possible and annoy someone else. I mean, Sheeran isn't even nominated for anything as far as I can see. What's the point of him being there? He could have stayed in and had a Pot Noodle and a wank.

Musical interlude by the The 1975, whose song I still don't recognise. The band seem to have a load of subliminal messages flash up on the screen basically demeaning the song and the band. It's quite unsettling, and while they go for it being like the broadcast has been interrupted by some hackers, it just seems a bit fake. Words like 'ANNOYING', 'MANUFACTURERS' and 'SHALLOW' pop up, ruining any sort of flow the band have created, and it just makes me hate the wankers even more than I already did. And their album title is too long.

8:26PM:
No idea what that was all about, but let's hope the band have split by the time of next year's Brits. Fit Willis shunts us into a break (and a reminder to vote for the best/not best at all but basically this is the only cock we've got so we have to piss with it video, including 'History' by One Direction, which came out in November 2015!!!!!! Surely this doesn't qualify? I want an IMMEDIATE investigation into this shit. We also have a tribute to George Michael after the break, which is a nice touch and something I'm glad they're doing, but if its Ellie 'Soulless' Goulding doing the song, I swear I will throw something at my telly. Fire update: it's partially lit, but nowhere near the roaring success I hoped it would be. A bit like The Brits 2017.

8:32PM:
Part Seventeen. O'Jeery reminds us that 2016 was a shit year for losing musical greats. Time for a montage of lots of dead folk who passed on long before their time. Sadly this bit goes on for far too long. And the shocking thing is that Elbow are still with us. Andrew Ridgeley, Pepsi and Shirley from Wham! come on to do a reading for George Michael. After this sort of eulogy, it'd be a bit inappropriate if they leapt into 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go', so I'm not expecting them to do a rendition. Fire update: It's now going pretty damn well - I think George Michael's spirit is with us and helped out with that. It was a lovely little reading that, with not even a sniff of Ellie Goulding, for which we can be thankful. My wife thinks Ridgeley needs "a good dinner, he's awfully thin". Instead of Goulding doing a musical number, we get cunting Chris Martin - they sprung that one on us. Guaranteed to suck the soul, life and any form of quality from the song he's doing, he does precisely this. They try and merge George and Chris' vocals, in that utterly annoying way they do to make it seem like a duet, when the original singer would probably turn in their grave at knowing someone like Chris Martin is singing along with them (see Frank Sinatra and Robbie Williams from his 'Swing When You're Winning' album).

8:45PM:
Break time! We didn't need O'Rear-End or Fit Willis to tell us that time, it just happened. Not even a reminder for the video vote thing, which is getting on my wick more than the new Train song (the one that uses the tune from the giant-piano scene from the film 'Big').

8:50PM:
Part Twenty-Two. They're putting some things on the stage, which I think we weren't meant to see. Fit Willis tells us that British Single is next. Holly Willoughby and Fearne Cotton are presenting this one, two people I have come to like less and less over the years. Cotton got stuck in that "Golly, gosh, super, amazing" rut ages back, and Willoughby has gradually increased in the 'tits and teeth' stakes, and is now the eternal beige face of utterly bland, mid-morning TV. Noms for this one are:

BRITISH SINGLE
--------------
ALAN WALKER - 'FADED'
CALUM SCOTT - 'DANCING ON MY OWN'
CALVIN HARRIS & RIHANNA - 'THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR'
CLEAN BANDIT FEAT. SEAN PAUL & ANNE-MARIE - 'ROCKABYE'
COLDPLAY - 'HYMN FOR THE WEEKEND'
JAMES ARTHUR - 'SAY YOU WON'T LET GO'
JONAS BLUE FEAT. DAKOTA - 'FAST CAR'
LITTLE MIX - 'SHOUT OUT TO MY EX'
TINIE TEMPAH FEAT. ZARA LARSSON - 'GIRLS LIKE'
ZAYN - 'PILLOWTALK'

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Bob The Builder - 'Can We Fix It?'

Who will clinch this one? Little Mix, surely??! Possibly Clean Bandit. Actual winner: Yay, Little Mix! Glad they got this one. It's their first ever Brit, and was easily the best song from the list above. The voiceover woman tries to tell us that 'Shout Out To My Ex' is "not about anyone in particular" which is stark raving bollocks, as we all know it's about Zayn Malik. The gals have got changed out of the rather uncomfortable Barbarella outfits, and now appear to have prom dresses on. I definitely would. Especially Jade. Cowell is there in the crowd, looking somewhat smarmy.

8:55PM:
Time for live music by someone else not nominated this year - it's Blonde Katy Perry! This is what the stage was being tinkered with as we came back from the break - lots of wee houses put up on the stage for Katy to wander around morosely as she performs her new song. I can't tell you what it's called. I asked my wife, but she wasn't sure either. It's not 'Hot 'n' Cold' - I bloody love that song. Ooh, the wee houses are all dancing now, which is nice. I wonder if there are little people inside them? Possibly immigrant children who have been smuggled into the country. In addition, there's two massive skeletal marionette puppets - one of whom seems to have nicked Slenderman's suit. They're not at all scary and won't give me nightmares later on. Do you think we'll have a break after this song? I think we're (and by "we're" I mean, of course, Dermot's ruined arse) due a break. I need to pop for a wee, so they'd better not pull any shit like trying to present two awards in one segment of the show.

8:59PM:
Well done, Katy lass. O'Treasony is back in the crowd, who introduces the next two award presenters - it's Jonathan Ross and someone who looks like Naomi Campbell, and could well be, I missed it when O'Treasony said her name. They are presenting the Global Success Award, which goes to Adele this year, basically for selling something like 670,000,000,000 records in Cornwall alone. She's one of perhaps two artists around at the moment (the other being Ed Sheeran) who could record themselves fapping into a paper bag and release it as a single and it'd sell more than the Bible. I bet Adele isn't here tonight, and indeed she isn't - although no reason is given for why she's away. Fit Willis shows us "for a final time" the nominations for the video award, which I bet it won't be and we'll get assailed with it a fair few times yet. Both Fit Willis and O'Graaaaghy are sat with Rag 'n' Bone Man, who is still speechless, but regales us with the tale that his cat tried to eat his Critic's Choice Award. That might well be an omen, so don't be surprised if he disappears by this time next year. Hey, it's happened before.

9:05PM:
Christ, another live performance without going to a break! This time it's Skepta, who I think the Brit Awards committee have fallen in love with, despite being the only ones to do so, and are singularly failing at making us care about who he is. In the meantime, please feel free to watch this video of The Teletubbies dancing to the new Ed Sheeran song, which, although I didn't find it half as megalolz-worthy as some people, is still better than Skepta:

Gosh, this Skepta fellow is making the man on the ten-second broadcast delay earn his salary this evening, he's vomming swears left, right and centre, causing a big 'AUDIO MUTED' sign to appear on screen every four-and-a-half seconds. Well, that was nice, Mr. Skepta. Thanks a bunch. Shot of Cowell standing and applauding, even though he'd have preferred James Arthur to have done a 45-minute medley. In a blatant disregard for what Fit Willis said a while back, he mentions the sodding video awards vote AGAIN. Right, NOW it's break time and I can go and drain the old bilge tank.

9:10PM:
Disconcerting advert in this commercial break on the dangers of 'sexting' - Christ, that's a new one, and something I bet Charly the Cat would have had enormous difficulty teaching the young lad he hung around with about. "Charly says never send pics of your mimsy to some randy young goat in your class at school, or all his mates will have it and bash one off to it as soon as they get home". I digress.

9:14PM:
Introducing International Male Solo Artist are three absolute harridans I have no desire to be in the company of again. The nominees for this are:

INTERNATIONAL MALE SOLO ARTIST
------------------------------
BON IVER
BRUNO MARS
DRAKE
LEONARD COHEN
THE WEEKND

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Demis Roussos/Vangelis (joint winners)

OK, serious prediction on a winner? I'd say Leonard Cohen for the 'death vote', but I think Bruno Mars will grab this one. Even though he's stuck in 1986. I'd like it to be The Weeknd, but...Actual winner: Drake. Urgh. Apparently Drake "loves the UK", but loves it about as much as AIDS as he's not here to collect his award, and sends us a message from some identikit dressing room somewhere saying how thankful he is and how he will be here next year.

Grand stuff. Because the show is over-running, the threesome introduce:

INTERNATIONAL FEMALE SOLO ARTIST
--------------------------------
BEYONCE
CHRISTINE AND THE QUEENS
RIHANNA
SIA
SOLANGE

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Clodagh Rogers

Beyonce wins that one, and the award is presented in such a quick-fire way that I don't have time to think of who might actually win. Because by introducing the International Female Solo Award, the show is over-running even more, they skip past:

INTERNATIONAL GROUP
-------------------
A TRIBE CALLED QUEST
DRAKE & FUTURE
KINGS OF LEON
NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS
TWENTY ONE PILOTS

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Ladysmith Black Mambazo

Which is taken by A Tribe Called Quest. They've basically not given two fucks with the international category, and all because of a live performance by Coldplay & Chainsmokers, two groups my father-in-law absolutely loves, so he will be wetting himself over this next bit. For me, it just sounds like a crap dance remix of Coldplay, which is quite possibly one of the worst misfortunes ever to befall humanity behind the Spanish Flu pandemic in 1918, and the Denise Van Outen sitcom 'Babes in the Wood', which also "starred" that goon from the old 'Flash' adverts, and Samantha Janus.

9:21PM:
Gah, is this Coldplay/Chainsmoker (surely the band should be called 'Coldsmokers' or 'Smokeplay'?) thing still going on? It feels like it's been meandering its way into my frontal lobe for about the past four hours. Even my hamster Coco Pop is clawing at the bars of her cage in a bid to make it stop. Calm yourself, wee beastie - nothing will appease the Demon King of Music for the next five minutes, we'll just have to ride it out together and hope we make it out the other side. Apparently, according to Fit Willis, you can download that song "right now" if you want to, but then again you can also stick a shotgun in your mouth and shatter your skull with a couple of shells, sending brains, blood and God-knows-what else splattering all over your nice wallpaper. I was right about my father-in-law, he just messaged us to tell us what a spiritual experience it was seeing both bands perform together. #Sigh

9:26PM:
Over half an hour left as we course into Part Sixty-Two. O'Zeeaaaarrghy and Fit Willis finally put us out of our misery with regards to the "Best" Video Award, and to present it is Cowell and Nicole Shitslinger. "What's up, Britaaaaaaain?" Shitslinger screams. You are, Nicole, you are.

Nominations are, (as if you need a reminder):

BEST BRITISH ARTIST VIDEO
-------------------------
ADELE - 'SEND MY LOVE (TO YOUR NEW LOVER)'
CALVIN HARRIS & RIHANNA - 'THIS IS WHAT YOU CAME FOR'
CLEAN BANDIT FEAT. SEAN PAUL & ANNE-MARIE - 'ROCKABYE'
COLDPLAY - 'HYMN FOR THE WEEKEND'
JAMES ARTHUR - 'SAY YOU WON'T LET GO'
JONAS BLUE FEAT. DAKOTA - 'FAST CAR'
LITTLE MIX FEAT. SEAN PAUL - 'HAIR'
ONE DIRECTION - 'HISTORY'
TINIE TEMPAH FEAT. ZARA LARSSON - 'GIRLS LIKE'
ZAYN - 'PILLOWTALK'

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Dollar - 'Mirror Mirror'

Give this one to Little Mix as well, even though it has arch-wanker Sean Paul in it. That or Adele. Please don't let One Direction have it, seeing as the song came out in 2015. 2015, for God's sake. Winner is...OH MY ACTUAL GOD, they've given it to One Direction. Well that's me lost all faith and any form of respect for the Brit Awards panel - only one Wand Erectioner has bothered to turn up - the one who is knobbing Cheryl - probably because all the others are off making documentaries on Swedish history or something. What a shitting disappointment.

9:31PM:
Fit Willis seems to think that Ed Sheeran has been off on a "gap year". He's doing that appalling 'Castle on the Hill' song, the one that recounts a load of "seminal" moments in his youth, spiked with incidents I simply cannot believe he used to do as a small boy like drinking neat spirits with money earned from weekend jobs and "running from the law" - it just sounds like he's trying too hard to be cool. The other one isn't bad - the one that sounds like Sia's 'Cheap Thrills', but this one is the fucking pits. Again though, as with Adele, he could have put out 70-minutes of pulling himself off into an old sock and people would still buy it. Ah, they've got Ed doing the old Brit 'medley', and is now doing the Sia rip-off song ('The Smell of Glue' I think it's called). Sheeran is just one of those people who smacks of over-exposure; you listen to commercial radio, and you are guaranteed to hear him about nineteen times a day. In short bursts he's not bad, but after a while it's a bit like being water-boarded. I can't tell if Coco Pop the hamster likes Ed, but she buggered off shortly after his performance, so maybe she doesn't like him after all. My wife has just compared Ed and some rapper dude who has wandered on stage during his song as "being like David Brent and his rapper friend". Seriously, I have no idea who this 'guest rapper' is, I think Ed is struggling too - he seems to know the song though, so I don't think he's a Jarvis Cocker-esque stage-invader. Oh...apparently it was Stormzy. You live and learn. I guess seeing as the poor bastard has won fuck all tonight he had to have a moment in the limelight somewhere. Time for another poo-break for O'Hairy, whose bum-hole and underpants must look like the aftermath of a nuclear war by now.

9:41PM:
Part Ninety-Six. O'Faaaaarrrpy reveals that the "biggy", the British Album of the Year Award is up next. To present it is Noel Gallagher, who clearly didn't have anything else on this evening. Nominations are:

MASTERCARD BRITISH ALBUM OF THE YEAR
------------------------------------
THE 1975 - 'I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SLEEP FOR YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO UNAWARE OF IT'
DAVID BOWIE - 'BLACKSTAR'
KANO - 'MADE IN THE MANOR'
MICHAEL KIWANUKA - 'LOVE & HATE'
SKEPTA - 'KONNICHIWA'

CYNICALLY PREDICTED WINNER: Robson & Jerome - 'Take Two'

I think Bowie might be unlucky here, seeing as he got one earlier. Therefore, I am going to say The 1975, simply because we apparently should all be sucking them off. Actual winner: Nope, they've gone against me and given it to Bowie! Will the Dexter chap collect this one again? No, it's Duncan Jones, Bowie's son. He gives quite a good speech actually, about what he will teach his own son about David Bowie, nominating it to "all the kooks". Lovely stuff.

9:45PM:
One more performance left, which they've allocated fifteen minutes for, longer than George Michael's tribute. It's for Robbie Williams, who might be doing a Kraftwerk medley. Or maybe not. Fit Willis says she's had "a corker of a time", and can now go home and have some chips. O'Gwaaaaaaaarggghhly introduces Robbie, who does a nice 'bad boy limp' onto the stage, along with a load of dancer girls who must be feeling the chill somewhat. I bet Robbie doesn't have a guest appearance from Stormzy. He doesn't know what he's missing out on. He seems to be feeling it as well as he tells us "you can nearly go home!" - two-and-a-half hours is too long for this sort of deal, really. Some of us have work in the morning.

Well, there you go loves. I hope you've enjoyed this wee "live commentary", although I appreciate it wasn't streamed live on the MusicMuso website, but hey, you can't have it all. And if you didn't like this year's event, don't worry - you can do it all over again with practically the same acts in 2018! And who knows, you might get the added pleasure of James Cordon presenting that one*.

* - not actually a pleasure. But still a "Driver Win", apparently.

Pete Muscutt